This past weekend, I was driving with my daughter, one of her roommates, and her mom, and we got into a discussion about dating relationships between young people that intensify too quickly. Facebook allows me to see, all the time, kids not yet or barely old enough to drive who are telling their girlfriends and boyfriends that they love one another, and that growing trend troubles me. Even more alarming for a conservative mom like me are the parents who (in my opinion) rush their children's relationships along by taking their sons or daughters' sweeties with them everywhere, even on family vacations, probably not thinking about how this might blur appropriate boundaries and make it even harder for kids to end unhealthy or dissatisfying relationships when the time has come. They've grown attached to entire families, instead of just one person, and we've grown attached to them! I worry about our daughters most of all; they dive into romantic relationships heart first and worry about the consequences later. Today's average teenage girl feels she is somehow "less than" if she doesn't have someone special in her life by the time she's in high school, and Lord forbid she go through college unattached!
Our culture is love-starved, but it's not for lack of trying. We throw the "L-word" around like a blanket on a cold, rainy day. I'm not casting stones....Believe me, I'm just as guilty as the next person. Look at a few of the things I often say that "I love..."
- the beach
- a bargain
- putting on PJs right out of the dryer
- Jason's salad bar
- Mango-Pineapple Smoothies from McDonald's
Doesn't the word lose something when its trivialized like this? Shouldn't we be teaching our kids that love is of tremendous value, just as they are, and that both deserve to be handled respectfully? It seems to me that we should also mention that, although it will probably come to them more than once, real love does not come along a hundred times in a lifetime. Is there a better way to help them understand love than to teach them about God and encourage them to pursue Him passionately? His love is unconditional; it is perfect; it is sacrificial and selfless; it is the only thing that will fill the void that causes us to sometimes feel worthless and alone. We really are so unworthy, but He loves us anyway, and when we seek Him first, His love just pours into and out of us. I'm convinced that that's the love the world is looking for, the love our sons and daughters crave.
Maybe I'm over-reacting....I'm guilty of that, too. Since I do have that tendency, I'd love to know what you think about the topic. Feel free to leave a comment if you think I'm way off-base or if you've learned something relevant from experience that may benefit the rest of us. Thanks!
~Maria
Maria,
ReplyDeleteI don't think you are overreacting in the least... if we don't teach our kids what true love is, then the world will teach it's version... with all the hurt and damage that go along with it.
We need our kids (and not just our girls) to understand the value of REAL love... whatever it takes love... unconditional love. It's what Christ demonstrated to us... and gave His life for. Can their be anything more important?
Blessings,
Don-na (not sure if you have to be a girl to read this blog :/ )
Excellent Maria! I am so guilty of this and have even had to deal with my children finding love way too early and it didn't last. The heartbreak a parent feels when there child is heartbroken is overwhelming. thanks for sharing the good advice!
ReplyDeleteStill learning as I go, Deb, but I know that I don't want my kids to have to ride the relationship rollercoaster any more than necesssary.There's so much external pressure, ya know? It's just been on my heart lately.
ReplyDeleteExcellent. As a mom who made these mistakes a LOT, I can attest first hand how damaging it is. Create boundaries that will keep your kids emotionally healthy instead of temporarily happy.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the affirmation, everyone. And Don, your comment is terrific. You should feel welcome to "hang out" with us anytime...Y chromosome or not! :)
ReplyDelete"Even more alarming for a conservative mom like me are the parents who (in my opinion) rush their children's relationships along by taking their sons or daughters' sweeties with them everywhere, even on family vacations, probably not thinking about how this might blur appropriate boundaries and make it even harder for kids to end unhealthy or dissatisfying relationships when the time has come. They've grown attached to entire families, instead of just one person, and we've grown attached to them! I worry about our daughters most of all; they dive into romantic relationships heart first and worry about the consequences later." Wow, now that does touch home base. My son has his first real girlfriend, he is a sophomore in HS. And I am so guilty of this. Of course we haven't taken her on vacation, I wouldn't want to take her anywhere overnight for obvious reasons, but I do take her a lot places with us. I am really going to have to be on guard when it comes to my 10 y/o daughter. Thanks for the post and the insight.
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