I really don't like roller coasters. It's not that I'm afraid when I'm on one but, rather, that they leave me off-balance and with a terrible headache. When it comes to staying off Pythons, Cobras, Hurricanes, and equally sinister-sounding rides, I'm pretty resolute. Why would I want to do something that makes me feel awful?? Why indeed.
For about ten years now, I've not just been riding a roller coaster; I've been living on one. It's one I built all by myself, constructed with lies I bought into and behavior I enjoyed. "This won't hurt you." "You work hard and deserve a treat." "No one will know." Isn't that always how it is? The enemy feeds us a lie, sells us a bag of goods that we believe to be one thing, but it turns out to be another. Eventually, it becomes something we do without conscious thought, or it's something we're completely aware is wrong but don't want to give up, something we feel entitled to. In my case, it's overeating and lack of exercise, but it could just as easily be an inappropriate relationship, gossip, resentment, overspending, poor time management, neglecting God's Word, faithlessness. Ultimately, it's all pride and, eventually, it becomes a battleground. God says, "This is not my plan for you. This will leave you feeling empty and separated from Me. This road leads to death." Despite His admonitions, we get on the ride, promising we'll go around just one more time and --well-- we all know how that goes.So today, I'm writing for a multitude of reasons. To confess. To be accountable. To affirm that I cannot do this any longer...And not just because my cholesterol is too high and my knee stays swollen and my back is one long spasm...But because I want spiritual restoration and the guilt to go away...because I know that, though the Bible says that "...there is, therefore, now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus", it also says, "Shall we continue to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means!". Christ died "so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin". Bottom line--continuing to ride this roller coaster of sin and shame makes a mockery of the cross. This isn't new knowledge. I've been here before. I'm just hoping that this time I've made a permanent connection between these partiular choices I make and the consequences in my health and my relationships with God and others.
Have you been on any emotional roller coasters lately? How's that workin' for ya? Maybe it's time for a change.
I visit this same little corner of guilt and condemnation. For ME, it's occasionally drinking too much when having "fun" during some weekends. Yes, I know that additional bloody mary isn't the end of the world but I've told myself over and over again (and told HIM over and over again) that I'll drink my lemon water and still find a way to be social and fun...only to cave in to what is easiest ~ and most familiar.
ReplyDeleteHe knows our weaknesses better than we do, Maria. I believe He is working on me and I thank God for that....as Joyce Meyer says "I may not be where I want to be but thank God I'm not where I used to be!"
Ain't that the truth...And as Beth Moore says, "Glory!" Sounds like we were in the same "corner" this morning but, as usual, God is working it for our mutual good. Surrender is often minute by minute for me.Perhaps God allows it to remain so, so that I won't forget where my strength lies.
ReplyDeleteSo true Maria! I have so many things to work on, it's thicker than governmental red tape. My husband and I have both been talking about getting deeper in the Word. We tend to forget where we need to be Monday through Saturday. Thank you for posting this and reminding us that we are all projects in the works. None of us are worthy but He loves us anyway.
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