It's Gonna Hit'cha

I was in training this week to learn about some of the latest science in the biology of addiction, coming to understand more about the power of our brains' limbic system and how it can totally hijack us at a moment's notice. The trainer, a Duke University professor, stressed that while relapse can be a process (with the addict making a series of poor choices that render him susceptible to using), it can also be an event brought on by something sudden...a trigger that slaps one in the face and leads to an impulsive and deeply regrettable act, no matter how dangerous or destructive. Borrowing from a fellow researcher in a related field, he referred to events like this as "STUGs": sudden, transient, upsurges of grief.

For several moments as he talked about these overwhelming emotional reactions to stimuli, I stopped thinking about my clients and started thinking about STUGs I've experienced in my own life. I also had a liberating moment of clarity about a specific loss I've suffered and my seeming inability to "get over it" once and for all. Two years have gone by, but there are related memories and feelings that still hit me suddenly, when the pain is just as palpable and just as overwhelming as it was the first day. I had one such "event" earlier this week, and I'm embarrassed to say that I allowed it to completely derail me for days. Who'd have thought God would use professional development to offer me freedom? Why does He still amaze me?

Rather than beat myself up about this "powerlessness" I often feel, this new understanding I've gained about the nature of STUGs empowers me. I know the wave will come, but I also know it will recede. A craving lasts about 15 minutes. 15 minutes. That is not relapse; it is just a reminder that the addict has already waged this war at least once before and won, and if he has won once, he can do it again. And again. And again. On the other hand, if the addict gives in to the craving, a downward spiral begins that can go on for a lifetime. So it is, in varying degrees of complexity and severity, with any area of our lives that holds power over us. Regret. Overeating. Unforgiveness. Anger. Grief. Depression. When a STUG throws open the door, we can choose to let it come in and eventually go, or we can invite it in and serve it iced tea. It' simple, but it's not easy. victory is possible though.

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship." Romans 8:37

~Maria

A Spark

Escalation of an argument into a full blown door slammer. You can see it coming a mile away and yet, like a locomotive unable to stop, it happens. One word too many was said or one word too few.
“Sorry” “Thanks” “Okay”
Maybe 3 words too few.
And these arguments usually begin because someone is tired or frustrated by a situation and the other person doesn’t realize it or maybe even care. Either way, there’s a spark and then, instead of being diffused, something flammable is thrown on it. A look,  an unkind word, or a selfish remark. In an instant, the spark is given life and grows into a little fire.
Now water can still douse this little fire but if careful consideration isn’t made, the fire grows. Argument becomes door slammer. Everyone is disappointed and everyone is upset…and everyone is adamant that they are right. And no one wins.
I hate those arguments. Despise them. I have sat in my bedroom many times contemplating the moment the flames ignited and wishing it weren’t so. Wishing that the words could be taken back and kindness would replace ambivalence…but wishing doesn’t make it so. And 700 compliments can be erased with just one careless comment.
This therapist I know once said that underneath all anger is hurt and I know that it sounds simplistic and I’m probably the last human being on earth to have realized it, but that’s the truth. How many door slammers have happened in your life that were a direct result of being hurt…and angry?
Diffuse the sparks and extinguish the tiny little flames with the people in your life. If you’re hurt, say so. Maybe they have no idea how they’ve hurt you! And then find a way to move on.
My wisdom isn’t always put into action, friends…but I do know what I’m talking about.

Proverbs 19:11 Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

James 1:19,20 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. 

Ephesians 4:26-27 In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

Praying tonight that I send the devil packing.
Blessings,
Amy