There's Been a Change of Plans...

It seems like the only thing I can count on lately is that nothing will go according to plan, so that's probably why this blog that I just read spoke to me so clearly and emphatically. I hope some of you can also benefit from the reminder that I apparently needed.


http://dianneguthmuller.com/4-things-to-remember-when-you-have-a-change-in-plans-john-44-3/

Be open to divine appointments this weekend, and be blessed!

Maria

Roller Coasters

"For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under the law but under grace." Romans 6:14

I really don't like roller coasters. It's not that I'm afraid when I'm on one but, rather, that they leave me off-balance and with a terrible headache. When it comes to staying off Pythons, Cobras, Hurricanes, and equally sinister-sounding rides, I'm pretty resolute. Why would I want to do something that makes me feel awful?? Why indeed.

For about ten years now, I've not just been riding a roller coaster; I've been living on one. It's one I built all by myself, constructed with lies I bought into and behavior I enjoyed. "This won't hurt you." "You work hard and deserve a treat." "No one will know." Isn't that always how it is? The enemy feeds us a lie, sells us a bag of goods that we believe to be one thing, but it turns out to be another. Eventually, it becomes something we do without conscious thought, or it's something we're completely aware is wrong but don't want to give up, something we feel entitled to. In my case, it's overeating and lack of exercise, but it could just as easily be an inappropriate relationship, gossip, resentment, overspending, poor time management, neglecting God's Word, faithlessness. Ultimately, it's all pride and, eventually, it becomes a battleground. God says, "This is not my plan for you. This will leave you feeling empty and separated from Me. This road leads to death." Despite His admonitions, we get on the ride, promising we'll go around just one more time and --well-- we all know how that goes.

So today, I'm writing for a multitude of reasons. To confess. To be accountable. To affirm that I cannot do this any longer...And not just because my cholesterol is too high and my knee stays swollen and my back is one long spasm...But because I want spiritual restoration and the guilt to go away...because I know that, though the Bible says that "...there is, therefore, now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus", it also says, "Shall we continue to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means!". Christ died "so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin". Bottom line--continuing to ride this roller coaster of sin and shame makes a mockery of the cross. This isn't new knowledge. I've been here before. I'm just hoping that this time I've made a permanent connection between these partiular choices I make and the consequences in my health and my relationships with God and others.

Have you been on any emotional roller coasters lately? How's that workin' for ya?  Maybe it's time for a change.

Norman Rockwell and White Picket Fences

Sometimes I wish that the game of life were more like a painting or a pallet of color; intentionally blended to a visual perfection complete with the artist's signature in the corner. But it's not. It is a forward motion of hues and sometimes the colors conflict and run in an inexplicable direction. I have struggled my entire life to make everything look good, to make everyone believe that my pallet is perfect... as if every day were the final presentation. of my art.  I was always claiming my independence and strength with hidden tears that were cried in the middle of the night, unseen and unheard by anyone, including those closest to me. I have always taken the stance that I don't need help or sympathy and I am simply fine doing things my way. A picture is only a picture and it's only perfect because the artist has had time to make corrections as he chooses. Life is quite different. Mistakes can be made privately and publicly, mistakes that hurt you and your loved ones. I'm sure that even Norman Rockwell had real life issues that were not represented by his art, yet I believe that I can't be the only one that desires to personify his paintings. The harder I try to make Christmas feel like ice skaters and snowflakes, the more frustrating it becomes to achieve the impossible. I don't ice skate and it doesn't even snow in Florida. Sometimes reality can hit you in the eye like bleach.

Things like Facebook and other social websites become our own Rockwell painting. I look through my pictures and see laughter and good times representing nothing of the real pain and struggle that is consecutive and consecrated in the everyday real stuff. A white picket fence looks so pretty when it's clean and freshly painted, but beneath the dirt is what really holds it up...and that's not the part that we want people to see. Oh, how we struggle to keep loss, pain, rejection and suffering below the dirt. Everything is "fine", everything is "perfect". My Norman Rockwell in actuality was far less than perfect when you mix real life into it. While raising my son, things were never perfect. His family was broken, how could there be perfection? I constantly struggled to maintain control of everything. He constantly struggled to be his own man and I wanted to keep him mine, and safe. Though we are exactly alike, sometimes it was water and oil in my effort to control everything. I never knew joy until he came in to my life and I look at him now and I am humbled that I had even a piece of it. It was an experience that I would not trade for anything in the world. My challenges however were created by me alone. I really never reached out to anyone "standing in my corner" and to be honest, I really wouldn't have recognized that there was anyone in my corner. I was tired and alone and always felt that, like my gas tank, my corner was empty. Unlike the artist, in real life you can't just trash your work and start over with a clean slate every time. In the process of starting over, you have undoubtedly left someone's emotions behind. You may have unintentionally just brushed right through the heart of someone you love in your attempt to repaint the pretty picture. The older I get, the more I realize that my canvas is not new, my colors have aged and the paint is chipping from previous unresolved issues. Those restarts weren't really restarts and my emotional thickness that I carried for so long has thinned and brittled. I no longer keep it together like I used to. There was a ten year period in my life that I can recall never shedding a single tear in anyone's presence. My own heart thought that I myself was broken. I was made of steel, inside, outside, and all the way through...unfortunately I tend to still behave like steel but I can crumble like aluminum at the drop of a hat. Reality really does hit you in the eye like bleach.

As I peel back the layers of paint, my tears drop on the canvas and don't always blend with the oil. It is my picture and I can't change any of the past. I used what I had at the time and I drew from the only source of strength that I knew. I often misinterpreted and misunderstood what I thought I knew. I acted when I should have listened, barreled  through when I should have regrouped, stood on a lone corner and failed to recognize my allies. I somehow got to where I am with enough of "me" left to offer my husband something real that includes the dirt, the paint and the canvas. I thank God for that. I also thank God for my son, although we have a tendency to clash externally at times, he is part of my internal canvas and I am part of his. We are bonded together and always will be. He shared my heartbeat for nine months and he was the most important thing in my life. He is exactly like me, the good, the bad and the ugly, and we will continue to forge our way through this painting until the day I lay my head down and sign my name for the very last time.

1 Corinthians 13:12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. (NLT)

It doesn't have to be pretty to be beautiful.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Tonight I ran into the Dollar Store to buy materials to make my mother-in-law's birthday gift (I'm not cheap...Well, yes, I am, but it's what she wants; I promise!). I was at the end of a very long line to pay for my items and heard the adorable, young (maybe 17 or 18 year-old) cashier ask every customer she rang up if they'd like to donate a dollar to buy a needy child's school supply. As far as I could tell, each customer before me said, "No", and went on about his business. By the time I reached the girl, her voice sounded noticeably defeated, but it didn't keep her from doing her job. "Would you like to donate a dollar to buy a needy child's school supply?" Honestly, I said "Yes" because I felt sorry for her, not the needy children, but it didn't seem to matter. Her face lit up like a Christmas tree as she thanked me, reached over to pull a cheap calculator out of a little basket of equally-cheap merchandise, and drop it in a marked shipping box. I started a casual conversation with her about how long the calculator might actually last, and she laughed. Then she said something that's stayed with me all night and into this morning. She said, "You wouldn't believe how rude people can be when you ask them to donate a dollar. All they really have to say if they don't want to is, 'no' or 'no, thanks', but I've had people get mad at me." Apparently, she'd gotten an earful more than once about the state of the economy and unemployment and how people wouldn't be shopping at the Dollar Store if they could afford to donate a school supply to someone else's kid.

I know a man--a believer--who got gas at the same place every week for years. One day, the gas station was sold to a Muslim man. Think what you will, but the Christian admitted to me that he initially considered changing gas stations because he felt uncomfortable with the middle-easterner and strongly disagreed with his religious views, but he was strongly convicted not to do so. Instead, he started going into the store to pay for his gas instead of paying at the pump, and often he would buy a cup of coffee and spend a few minutes talking to the owner about business or the weather or whatever. He did this for two years, and the men became friends. Eventually, the Christian went on a Mission Trip for a couple of weeks and was missed at the gas station. Upon his return, the business owner inquired about his trip, and my friend had the opportunity to tell him about his relationship with Christ that compelled him to share God's love with others. It was a seed planted and, approximately a year after that, the Muslim was led to faith in Christ by my friend.

By now you're wondering what the connection is between these two stories. Well, if you know me, you know that I tend to think in tangents. My Dollar Store cashier got me thinking about all the political and social positioning going on these days and how differently people are responding to it. We're polarized by hot issues like healthcare and homosexuality and--Lord, help us!--chicken sandwiches. There's no doubt we each have our own beliefs and values and opinions but, at the end of the day and at our core, I believe we're all fundamentally the same...in desperate need of love and grace, desiring to be treated with dignity and respect. I'm not suggesting Christians negotiate truth. I'm just saying that, if I want people to repect my values whether they agree with them or not, then I must do the same. I can't expect the world to lead the way on this one or even reciprocate. I'm promised in 1 Cor. 2:14 that "The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit." These next words, written by the brother of another friend of mine several months ago, also express what I'm thinking pretty succintly.

"...When people fall in love with Jesus, they are compelled, through the work of the Holy Spirit, to change their life. When a nation is full of people who have met Jesus and are a new creation because of it, murder rates drop, people stop hating each other, people start embracing generosity instead of greed, marriages survive pride and selfishness, children grow up with mothers and fathers in the home. And that nation’s policies will naturally start to reflect its values without the need for lobbying or picketing or fighting."

I don't know. I'm just a woman who can't sleep and ends up thinking too much. You mull it over and decide for yourself. I promise to respect your opinion either way.

~Maria

Miracle Grow

I guess you could say I've never had a "green thumb". I've never been able to a keep plants alive in my home. I'm sad to say I even killed a cactus, now that's  pretty bad. I really had a hard time remembering to water them until it was too late. I was always just too busy with my life to slow down and care for them. I'd see them and think, I need to water that plant soon but I never took the time to do it. I knew what I was suppose to do but yet never did it. So yet another plant would bite the dust and be tossed into the garbage can, lifeless and hard as a rock.

So I gave up on being a plant person, that is until I inherited my mother's plants when she passed away. My mother was an avid plant person and gardener. She would sit for hours in the yard pulling weeds and pruning plants, getting dirty, stiff and tired. I could never understand how she could waste so much time on something that seemed to me to be so difficult. But she preserved and had beautiful plants and I just thought I didn't inherent the plant gene. But now, I have learned that it takes work, we must tend to the weeds as to not choke out the plant, prune off the dead and dying parts that weigh it down and that stop new growth, water and feed and provide abundant sunlight and protection from the cold weather. I've learned through taking care of these plants is how I should live my life as a Christian woman.

Such is life. As I now tend to my mother's plants, I pray, I talk to her for guidance and I've come to understand the importance of of being thorough and following instructions to have beautiful blooming plants as well as a beautiful abundant life in Christ. Just as plants have instructions for care, so do we and it's the Word of God. It's all there! Every doubt, every problem we could ever face and every question of why can all be answered in God's word. Like the importance of pulling weeds in a plant, we must pull the weeds in our life so that we may bloom into the beautiful person God intends us to be. But we MUST DO THE WORK! Not just sometimes sprinkle ourselves from our instruction book of God's word but everyday feed ourselves. To totally surrender every aspect of lives to God, so the weeds of the enemy can not creep in and choke our growth. But we are human and we sometimes do fail and the weeds do come but we must quickly pull them and know that God will ALWAYS forgive us and nourish us for he gave us His Son Jesus Christ so that we may always know Him. How awesome is that? 

I'm happy to say that all my mother's plants are thriving and taking care of them has blessed me in so many ways. As well as inheriting the plants I have my mother's tools and box of Miracle Grow but even better then that I have her bible which in essence is our "Miracle Grow"...our instruction book  on how to live a happy, joyous and abundant life in Christ! 

Thank you Mom for planting the seeds in me...I'm finally doing what it takes to bloom! 

Peace, Deb

For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant, and as 

a root out of dry ground ~ Isaiah 53:2

It's Gonna Hit'cha

I was in training this week to learn about some of the latest science in the biology of addiction, coming to understand more about the power of our brains' limbic system and how it can totally hijack us at a moment's notice. The trainer, a Duke University professor, stressed that while relapse can be a process (with the addict making a series of poor choices that render him susceptible to using), it can also be an event brought on by something sudden...a trigger that slaps one in the face and leads to an impulsive and deeply regrettable act, no matter how dangerous or destructive. Borrowing from a fellow researcher in a related field, he referred to events like this as "STUGs": sudden, transient, upsurges of grief.

For several moments as he talked about these overwhelming emotional reactions to stimuli, I stopped thinking about my clients and started thinking about STUGs I've experienced in my own life. I also had a liberating moment of clarity about a specific loss I've suffered and my seeming inability to "get over it" once and for all. Two years have gone by, but there are related memories and feelings that still hit me suddenly, when the pain is just as palpable and just as overwhelming as it was the first day. I had one such "event" earlier this week, and I'm embarrassed to say that I allowed it to completely derail me for days. Who'd have thought God would use professional development to offer me freedom? Why does He still amaze me?

Rather than beat myself up about this "powerlessness" I often feel, this new understanding I've gained about the nature of STUGs empowers me. I know the wave will come, but I also know it will recede. A craving lasts about 15 minutes. 15 minutes. That is not relapse; it is just a reminder that the addict has already waged this war at least once before and won, and if he has won once, he can do it again. And again. And again. On the other hand, if the addict gives in to the craving, a downward spiral begins that can go on for a lifetime. So it is, in varying degrees of complexity and severity, with any area of our lives that holds power over us. Regret. Overeating. Unforgiveness. Anger. Grief. Depression. When a STUG throws open the door, we can choose to let it come in and eventually go, or we can invite it in and serve it iced tea. It' simple, but it's not easy. victory is possible though.

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship." Romans 8:37

~Maria

A Spark

Escalation of an argument into a full blown door slammer. You can see it coming a mile away and yet, like a locomotive unable to stop, it happens. One word too many was said or one word too few.
“Sorry” “Thanks” “Okay”
Maybe 3 words too few.
And these arguments usually begin because someone is tired or frustrated by a situation and the other person doesn’t realize it or maybe even care. Either way, there’s a spark and then, instead of being diffused, something flammable is thrown on it. A look,  an unkind word, or a selfish remark. In an instant, the spark is given life and grows into a little fire.
Now water can still douse this little fire but if careful consideration isn’t made, the fire grows. Argument becomes door slammer. Everyone is disappointed and everyone is upset…and everyone is adamant that they are right. And no one wins.
I hate those arguments. Despise them. I have sat in my bedroom many times contemplating the moment the flames ignited and wishing it weren’t so. Wishing that the words could be taken back and kindness would replace ambivalence…but wishing doesn’t make it so. And 700 compliments can be erased with just one careless comment.
This therapist I know once said that underneath all anger is hurt and I know that it sounds simplistic and I’m probably the last human being on earth to have realized it, but that’s the truth. How many door slammers have happened in your life that were a direct result of being hurt…and angry?
Diffuse the sparks and extinguish the tiny little flames with the people in your life. If you’re hurt, say so. Maybe they have no idea how they’ve hurt you! And then find a way to move on.
My wisdom isn’t always put into action, friends…but I do know what I’m talking about.

Proverbs 19:11 Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

James 1:19,20 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. 

Ephesians 4:26-27 In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

Praying tonight that I send the devil packing.
Blessings,
Amy